Free yourself from the self defeating thoughts that make you sick!

Lately I have received many emails about how to work through feelings of low self worth and shame. It seems this is something we can all struggle with at certain times in our life.

Why are we often our worst critic when it comes to accepting and loving ourselves? Why do we beat ourselves up with self defeating thoughts?

How are you feeling these days? Are you stressed out and overwhelmed? Do you find yourself annoyed and frustrated at the same people, places and things over and over and over again?

Does anyone remember the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? He lives the same day over and over and over and over, well; you get it, AGAIN, in frustration, anger and exhaustion. When he finally comes to accept the circumstances of his life and confront the problem he begins to enjoy his life and POOF, he wakes up to a NEW DAY. I think, for most of us, we all have a little bit of Groundhog Day within us. Rather than fix the problem, we want to dwell in the circumstances that bring us down and keep us anchored in unhappiness. Let’s face it, dwelling in our problems and never focusing on the solution keeps the drama alive and well.

Unicorns, Rainbows and Sparkles
Staying True to the Dreams in Your Heart

I remember the day well. The sultry summer breeze was giving way to the cool crisp evening air announcing the arrival of back to school. My friends and I played our last game of Marco Polo with a sense of sadness as we prepared for the first day of eighth grade. My mom sat me down at the kitchen table and told me there was something she wanted to discuss with me. I did a mental check praying I did not leave another wet towel on the bed. “Now that you and your siblings are older, I have decided to pursue my dream of getting a Master’s. I am going back to school to get my M.S.W and start a career in the counseling field.” My first completely ego centric, self absorbed adolescent thought was, does this mean I have to make my own lunch ????”

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of holding a workshop on the power of self- confidence and acceptance for teenage girls. “You Are What You Think” is a workshop I designed to help young ladies learn to trade the voice of self-doubt and abuse for self-confidence, love and acceptance.

During our time together I asked the ladies to write down their questions, concerns, or self-defeating thoughts that may be causing depression and anxiety.

The Importance of How you keep your Space

As I was channel surfing the other night I caught an episode of Hoarders. If you haven’t seen it, it is a show that helps people who have hoarding addictions by sending in a team to clear out the garbage and help them with the emotional root of their addiction. As I watched the team of people attempt to remove tons of garbage and junk from a distraught couple’s home I felt my heart race and my palms sweat. The clutter was making me feel anxious and uncomfortable. I actually had to turn the channel to something more peaceful and drama free, like The Real Housewives on Bravo. A few days later I could not shake the discomfort of seeing that home full of clutter. Have you ever noticed how our physical space parallels our emotional space? The more clutter in our homes, the more likely we are to experience anxiety and bouts of depression. Our emotional state is always linked to our physical space.

How is your mental state these days? Are you experiencing peace and joy in your everyday life or frustration and impatience? Are you living your life “on purpose” or going through the motions feeling numb and dead on the inside? How is the garden of your mind? Are you tending to your garden or letting the weeds take over?

When I lived in Boston I lived next door to an elderly woman who had a beautiful garden. Every morning my neighbor was outside in her floral “moo-moo,” (cirqua Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company), tending carefully to each plant and flower. She would spend hours walking around her garden joyfully humming and making sure her flowers were strong and healthy. Many mornings I would sip my coffee and watch her peacefully pulling out the weeds and tending to her precious flowers. To this day I remember how tall and lovely her sun flowers were. I think our mental state can be compared to tending to a garden, do we have beautiful sunflowers of joy and peace or toxic weeds of bitterness and guilt?

As I was recently having dinner with a dear friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in months, I noticed her skin was bright and pink, her eyes clear, and she seemed to exude peace and confidence. “You look amazing, what is going on?” I asked her, anxious for her to pass on her beauty secret. “I’m dating a trainer and I now work out 4 days a week, YOU HAVE TO TRY IT!!!!” Now, I love to break a good sweat, and my best friend and I have a ritual of power walking a few times a week together. This means we put on workout clothes and walk really fast up and down Broadway perusing the best buys. But the truth was, I was feeling a little unmotivated to do much of anything lately except inhale any carbohydrate within a one hundred mile radius. I definitely needed a skip in my step and wanted to increase my energy level. The cold and dark days of winter were definitely causing me to feel tired and unmotivated. The next day I called my pal’s new crush and begin the journey of “Training” (aka Pure Torture).